


Grow Old With Me

by Banshi13



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied Slash, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Slash, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 15:57:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16370642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banshi13/pseuds/Banshi13
Summary: Danny’s own voice was bellowing across the yard now.  He briefly wondered if the neighbors could hear them, and just as quickly decided he didn’t care, because Steve’s fist came flying at his face and he was suddenly up close and personal with a patch of lush green grass.





	Grow Old With Me

**Author's Note:**

> _Author’s Note_ : If you follow my Twitter, you know that I am not the president if the #McRoll fan club. For the life of me, I cannot understand why anyone would want Steve to have his ‘happy ever after’ with someone who has done the two things that Steve cannot deal with: Lie and Leave. I have yet to hear any good explanation for wanting Steve’s endgame to be Catherine. It’s actually quite alarming to see so many people, particularly women, advocate for this relationship. Lying repeatedly, abandoning someone, knowing that you’re causing a great deal of hurt in doing it, giving the person hope that you’re going to stick around – that isn’t love. That is so far out of the vicinity of love that it has its own country code.
> 
> I very much want Steve and Danny to end up being a canon romance. I am fully aware that TPTB probably won’t give us that for a multitude of reasons, and I feel like I know and understand what some of those are. However, I absolutely could not abide seeing Steve back with Catherine for any reason. Alex O’Loughlin has said himself that he feels it would be a ‘cry for help’ for Steve to take Catherine back, and that it would be a story line that would merely supply a means to an end. He is on record saying that the 150th episode ended the relationship the way it should have ended, and that season 8’s episode where Michelle Borth guest starred provided closure to that relationship. I very much hope that Peter Lenkov and TPTB at CBS listen to their star, the man who Peter Lenkov said knows Hawaii Five-0 the best, and who knows Steve McGarrett best, and do not go down the #McRoll road. 
> 
> *Steps off Soap Box*
> 
> And now for something I hope you’ll really like! A #McDanno fic, with Danny doing his level best to protect Steve from what he needs protection from the most: himself.
> 
> _Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-O, as well as the characters found within the series, are owned by CBS Productions, K/O Paper Products, and 101st Street Productions. No profit is being made off of this work._

**Hawaii Five-O**

The darkening sky matched Danny's mood perfectly. He was sitting on the concrete barrier at his spot, his place, the one area on the island where he could be reasonably assured he wouldn't be bothered, save by a very few, very special people should he be needed. He sat as he always did – hands gripping the edge of the stone, the rough, grainy texture biting into his skin every so often when he caught himself squeezing the rock hard enough. His legs were hanging off the edge, feet just barely touching the rocky terrain beneath.

Danny didn't know how long he'd been sitting there, staring out over the ocean towards the horizon until his vision would blur out and he'd have to blink to refocus. He could look at his phone for the time but doing that meant that he'd see whether or not Steve had tried to text him.

He'd put the phone on silent for a reason.

And he kicked himself – literally knocked his right foot against his left leg and slapped the wall he was sitting on with an angry hand. Danny didn't even feel the impact against his palm, and he should have, but that was how angry he was. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this furious, and honestly, this frightened. He refused to believe he was over reacting, absolutely did not accept that his emotions right now were exaggerated or inappropriate. Danny was reacting as expected, he was not exaggerating, and it damn sure was not inappropriate.

He should have known. He should have known that eventually this day would come, that this question would rear its ugly head. He should have known. Danny knew that, accepted it, was prepared for it, or so he thought. But if there was one thing he'd realized in the last however many hours, it was that nothing could have prepared Danny for Steve standing in front of him, hands in his pockets, looking for all the world like a skittish puppy who knew that he'd knocked the plant over but didn't want to tell his owner that, and hearing the words, 'Catherine called.'

Danny hadn't needed to hear anything else. Those two words and the tone in which they were said told the story all by themselves. But Steve being Steve had continued on, confirming a fear that had rested in the back of Danny's mind for three years, that flared up every now and again. Catherine, Steve had told Danny, had floated the idea of getting back together. Now that all their cards were on the table, now that Steve knew Cath was CIA, now that Steve had broken it off with Lynn, now that some time had passed between Catherine's disastrous departure, it seemed wrong not to at least talk about the possibility, Catherine had said. Danny had simply stood quietly while Steve had rattled off reason after reason Catherine had given, making sure to throw in that Catherine had apologized: "She said she was wrong for not confiding in me about why she was really leaving," Steve reported, "and that she knew she hurt me, but she felt like she had to make a choice between living a life of worth and just….you know."

It was the half-hearted shrug that had made Danny explode.

"Just what? Just staying in Hawaii? With you? To marry you? To build a life with you, like you'd wanted, is that what the 'just' was?"

Danny remembered the look on Steve's face when Danny had said that. Normally, when Danny was irritated, or scared, or angry, the entire island of Oahu knew it because Danny was loud. Very loud. But when Steve had relayed his conversation with Catherine to him, Danny had responded very quietly, his tone chilly enough that he saw Steve shiver up his back.

_"So, what, you're considering this then?" Danny rolled his lips together as he looked at Steve, and he hated that Steve looked so uncertain. Danny hated it; an uncertain McGarrett had never been a part of his world view, and he felt off kilter whenever he witnessed Steve exuding anything less than 100% confidence. Steve swallowed, audibly, and brought his hands out of his pants to clasp in front of him._

_"16 years, Danny," his voice was raspy, strained, pleading – everything Danny hated to hear when it came from Steve's mouth. "16 years, so much history, she knows me better than most anyone…and we're getting to a certain age, you know; we're in our 40's-"_

_"Uh-huh. And how are you going to make this work? I assume she's not leaving the CIA? Although, I don't guess you'd ever really know if she did or didn't, would you?" Danny arched an eyebrow, knowing his comment had landed a direct blow as Steve pressed a hand to his chest and looked away. "Course," Danny continued, "she could always give it a try, do the 'wife and kids' thing. I don't think it's really her style though – reminds me of someone else we know."_

_"Danny," Steve pleaded, hoarse, hurting, and Danny hated himself now, hated what he was doing, that it was now_ him, _not Catherine, but him making Steve sound and look like this, but if it kept Steve from making the disastrous decision to go back to Catherine, to give it a fourth or fifth try, then he'd keep at it._

_Danny was nothing if not committed in his life. He shook his head. "No. You need to hear this, Steve. You need to hear this because you need to remember that 16 years of history, and I admit, I don't know anything about the first eight years, but I know something about the last eight, and I know as sure as I'm standing here in front of you in your backyard, as sure as I know that I love my children and I would give my life for them without a thought, that if you go down this road with her again, it's going to lead you to nowhere good. There is no happiness at the end of the trail with Catherine Rollins, babe."_

_"So, I'm just supposed to what? Hope that someone comes along in the next few years? We're 42 years old, Danny; I'm running out of time and running out of options to find someone that understands the job I do, that gets why I do it, that isn't threatened by it."_

_"So that's what this would be then? A means to an end? You figure you're not going to find anyone else, so you may as well go with Catherine, even though you can't be sure that she'd really leave the CIA, or if she'd lie to you again to go running around the globe on some mission, or if she'd even stay long enough to settle down with you?!"_

_"What do you want me to do, Danny?!" Steve was yelling now, really yelling, and that was as rare an event as Danny being silent. "I'm not happy about what she pulled, and yes, it hurt, it tore me up inside, but I also understand why she did it. I'm supposed to hang onto that for the rest of my life? Never forgive her?"_

_"Yes, yes, you are supposed to hang onto that. You're supposed to hang onto that, and you're supposed to remember the fact that before she left, she met me up at the Lookout, and she told me, to my face, straight to my Jersey mug that she 'wanted nothing more' than to stay in Hawaii, to stay with you," Danny held a finger up as Steve made to interrupt, "after I told her how much you were hurting when she didn't come back from Afghanistan."_

_"Oh, so this is about you then," Steve waved a hand in his direction, "Catherine did one thing wrong to you and suddenly she's the worst person in the world-"_

_"No, Steve, it's that she did several things wrong to you and she bears more than a slight resemblance to your mother in the things that she's done, and no matter how hard you try and how much you beg for it, Catherine and your mother are two peas in a pod, and they're not going to change!" Danny's own voice was bellowing across the yard now. He briefly wondered if the neighbors could hear them, and just as quickly decided he didn't care, because Steve's fist came flying at his face and he was suddenly up close and personal with a patch of lush green grass. Luckily, his legs had been able to catch his fall and he hadn't face planted into the ground, but he was definitely hunched over and his jaw pulsed and stung with the impact of a highly trained Navy SEAL's best punch._

_Danny saw rather than heard Steve come toward him, a hand over his mouth, a look of absolute horror on his face at what he'd done, but Danny waved him off. He was a big boy, it wasn't the first time he'd been punched, and both of their tempers were running hot, not to mention that Danny knew how vicious he could get in an argument; see Rachel Edwards, nee Williams._

_He stood up, face tight, fingers lightly tracing the line of his jaw._

_"God, Danny…"_

_"S'okay," the blonde muttered, backing away. "Look, uh…I've been in enough of these kinds of fights to know when it's time for a breather, so-"_

_"Danny, don't-"_

_"Steve," Danny pinned him with a glare. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."_

In all actuality, it had been four hours, and in that time a very nice grayish/blue bruise was mottling Danny's jaw and cheek. It was tender to the touch, and every time a sigh escaped Danny or he brushed a hand over his mouth, he winced or swallowed or pursed his lips. But he couldn't say he didn't deserve it; he'd crossed a pretty big line – scratch that. He'd crossed a live wire. He may have been right in what he'd said about Catherine and Doris, but that didn't change the fact that the comparison was one which Steve rarely if ever allowed himself to acknowledge. Simply put, it hurt him too much, and when Danny, in his unfiltered way had forced him to face it, well – every action had its equal and opposite reaction.

However, Danny also knew Steve was suffering in other ways now too. It may have been to avoid more fighting so that they didn't say anything that they couldn't take back, but the fact remained that Danny had left Steve in his home, alone, with no one but Eddie to tend to him. Eddie was a very sweet dog, yes, and Danny loved dogs – still contended that they were infinitely better than cats – but a dog was no substitute for human comfort.

Digging into his pocket, Danny dug his phone out. No texts or calls from anyone, which meant Steve hadn't tried to call anyone else to find where Danny was or tell them what had happened, and that could mean either one of two things; either Steve was in such bad shape that he didn't want to reach out to anyone else, or he was waiting for Danny to reach out to him. Danny opened up his texts, hit Steve's name, and plunked out a message with his thumbs.

_My spot in 20?_

He flipped the vibrate on and waited, uncertain if he would hear back from Steve in a few seconds or a few minutes, or even at all that night, but he needn't have worried, because within half a minute, his phone pulsed in his hand and he looked down to see a reply from his partner.

_OMW_.

Danny took a deep breath and looked out over the now completely dark horizon. The lights from the homes beneath and along the shore line allowed him to see the waves crashing against the coast beneath him, but whereas the sight was usually soothing, this time it did nothing to calm his nerves. He had no idea how his second confrontation with Steve was going to go; Hell, for all he knew, they might get into it again and Steve may just decide to chuck Danny off of Diamond Head Lookout and be done with it.

20 minutes went by before a bright light shone over Danny's shoulder and the sound of a heavy engine belonging to Steve's Silverado roared into the clearing and purred to a stop a few feet behind him. Thankfully, Steve cut the headlights, leaving only the low lamps on, and Danny took a deep breath, waiting for the sound of his partner opening the door and getting out. When it didn't come after a minute, Danny swiveled a bit on the wall and looked over his shoulder to see Steve staring at him, a look of pure trepidation all over his face.

"Come on, babe," Danny waved him forward, "you didn't drive up here to sit in a truck." _This isn't that kind of date_ , was what Danny would've normally followed that up with, had the occasion been a lighter one.

As things were, he merely watched as Steve inched his way out of the cab and stiffly walked up to him, noticing the second Steve saw the bruising on his face. "Don't, Steve," he shook his head, but his partner didn't listen as he crinkled his brow and his lips tightened. "Jesus, I'm sorry, Danny."

"Don't," the other mean repeated, "I crossed a line. I still think I'm right, but that doesn't change the fact that I crossed a line and you reacted-"

"No excuse for me hitting you. Damn," Steve breathed quietly as he got a closer look at Danny's jaw, examining the bruising, marks which he could see even in the soft lighting of the low lamps of the truck behind him. "Did you ice it?"

"Did I ice it? No, I didn't ice it, I left your place and came right here, been here ever since. I'm a grown man, Steve, I've been punched many a time in my life, hard as it may be to believe."

"Not by me."

"Okay, I'm not gonna argue this with you; I said some things in my blunt, harsh kind of way, I was out of line, you were hurt, you socked me – end of story, Steve. Okay? Really. It's alright, I'm alright," Danny swallowed, "I just – I need to know that _we're_ alright."

Steve's shoulders slumped as he took a seat next to Danny in the normal way they perched themselves when they came to the Lookout: Steve facing inward, Danny looking out towards the ocean.

"Yea, we're alright, buddy. Of course we're alright." Steve's head tipped back as he heaved a tired sigh, remaining silent for a few moments before speaking again, his voice low. "I am sorry, Danny. I know you're blaming yourself, but it doesn't matter what you said to me; I know how hard I hit, believe me."

"Well, I don't really need to believe you because I kinda know first hand now," Danny's tone was light, humorous, and he brushed his shoulder against Steve's, offering him a gentle smile. "I hit a few nerves tonight, Steve. I knew I was doing it too, because I felt like if I didn't say what I said, then…you know, you'd go back to her." He took a breath. "But at the end of the day, it's your decision. It's your life, and, you know, you know her better than I do, and even though I don't think I can ever support you having a relationship with her again, I will always support you, babe." Steve didn't answer, so Danny stayed silent, letting the breeze off the sea brush over them both. Despite the reason for them being at the Lookout, once the apologies were out of the way and the tension had eased, their surroundings were surprisingly peaceful and relaxed, exactly as any night in Hawaii should be.

"I don't want to be alone forever, Danno," Steve murmured softly. Danny didn't answer; he just let his partner talk. "I'm 42. Even if I had a kid right now, I wouldn't see their graduation until I was 60. 60 years old, Danny, and that's just one kid. I want a family, I want someone to grow old with, someone that I can come home to at the end of the hellish days we have who will just…you know, who's just there."

"I understand that," Danny looked at him, only speaking when there had been dead air for a good ten seconds. "There's no one in the world who deserves that more than you, Steve, no one. And I wish, I do believe me, I do, I wish that I thought Catherine could give that to you, but I don't think she can, Steve. It's not because I think she's a bad person or anything like that. It's because I think you two are way too similar in certain areas." Steve looked at him.

"Think about it," Danny encouraged quietly. "When she left the Navy, she struggled. Civilian life wasn't easy for her, you said it yourself; she spent half of her life in the Navy, just like you. She lived and breathed the mission, daily reports, the routine, all of it. And then she left, and she went to work with Billy and her first job out of the Navy, she watched someone that meant a lot to her die, and she blamed herself. She floundered for a long time, babe. I know you saw it. You brought her onto Five-0, and she did well there, but Five-0 was always yours, Steve. It wasn't hers, and it never really could be hers. It couldn't even be yours together, because Five-0 is ours, Steve, you understand? You remember what you said she told you before she left last time?"

Steve nodded.

"She needed her own mission, Steve. Just like you need your own mission, she needed the same thing. Something she could control and direct that would make a difference. She needed people to need her, and I don't have a problem with that at all, except she needed that more than she needed you, and when she came back for Adam and Kono's wedding and she told me that there was nothing she wanted more than to stay in Hawaii with you, she lied right to my face, okay? And when she did that, she already knew she was leaving, alright?" Danny scratched at the side of his head.

"You were running all over Oahu trying to find her the perfect ring because you'd finally pulled your head out of your ass and you wanted to commit to someone, but when the time came, she hit you over the head with the proverbial two by four and left. And when she did, she didn't tell you the real reason. I mean, God, Steve… you were, and still are, a high value asset for the United States Government. You've run countless black-ops and have security clearances that I've probably never heard of. She could have told you that she'd been recruited by the CIA, but she chose not to, and why that is I don't know, but it doesn't matter, because when you did find out, it wasn't because she told you. It was because CIA operatives' identities became compromised and the agency came looking for you to see if you'd heard from her."

Danny was grateful to see Steve watching him intently, quietly. He was even nodding along to some of the things Danny was saying. "I don't think she's a bad person, Steve, but I do think she's a selfish person. I think… I think she was either too afraid of telling you the truth because you might have decided not to stick around, or she wanted to have her cake and eat it too." Danny pursed his lips. "I don't know that there's anything she can do to make me change my mind on that, babe. I don't want to see you hurt again. I don't want her to come back and make the same promises that she hasn't been able to keep before. I don't want you to have to live through that again. It hurts me too, you understand?" Danny's voice was hoarse now, practically gravel.

He felt Steve nudge his shoulder with his own. "I don't ever want to hurt you, Danno."

"I don't ever want to hurt you either, Steve." Danny took a breath. "I know this has got to be your own decision. And I think I've been pretty clear in my opinion that I think it is a colossal mistake for you to go back to Catherine and give things another try. In fact, I think any female associated with the CIA should bring up a gigantic red circle with a line drawn through it. But like I said, it's got to be your choice, and if you choose to give it another shot, I'm not going to like it, but I will support you no matter what happens. I love you, Steve; I'm never gonna abandon you just because I have issues with someone you choose to date. Okay?"

Steve nodded numbly. "Never gonna abandon me because you don't like who I date or never gonna abandon me period?"

Any other time, Danny would have rolled his eyes and given Steve a hard time for even asking that, but not tonight. His partner didn't often seek reassurance about his place in Danny's life, so when he did, Danny made sure to drop any hint of sarcasm or brashness that was usually found in his tone and expression. "Never gonna abandon you period, Steve. Never. You're stuck with me, alright?"

"I don't want to grow old alone." Steve's voice was a guttural whisper.

"You won't, babe. I promise. Even if you gotta grow old with me, you won't grow old alone."

Vulnerability was a funny thing. It made humans do things they ordinarily wouldn't do, like now. Steve turned towards Danny just a little bit, just enough so that he could lean his head against the side of his partners' and rest there, and Danny let him.

"You know back last year when we were in the quarantine and I got shot?" Danny asked quietly.

Steve sighed. "After everything tonight, do we really have to talk about that?"

"I'm trying to tell you something nice, at least I think it's nice but it's because of what happened last year, so yea, I've got to mention it." At Steve's grunt, which Danny chose to interpret as permission, he continued speaking quietly into Steve's ear.

"When I was on the table, both of them I guess, I kept having dreams about the future; I was at the hospital with Adam when his first kid was born, I saw Gracie getting married, the restaurant was doing good, lots of different stuff. I even saw us."

"Us?"

"Yea. On the beach behind your house and sitting in the chairs like we normally do. We were old, Steve, I mean pale and wrinkly old, even you. I'm pretty sure we were even living together."

"Why is that?"

Danny shrugged. "You told me someone called for me the day before." Steve took a deep breath and let it out, sinking even more against Danny. "So basically, I can't get a break from you even when I'm dreaming or having my insides sewn together. What makes you think we're never _not_ going to be with each other, huh?"

Steve chuffed out a laugh and Danny followed suit, both of them having a good chuckle as the rest of the tension finally faded away to nothing. At least until Steve's phone went off and Danny felt him stiffen against him. The latter didn't have to ask his partner who was calling. "Satellite phone?"

"Yea," Steve murmured, his thumb grazing across the screen as he contemplated accepting the call.

"I'll uh, I'll give you some space, so you can talk – say what you gotta say," but Steve gripped Danny's elbow and held him fast, looking at him. "Stay," was all he said before he swiped right and answered the phone. "Hey."

Danny could hear Catherine through the phone. Her voice was light, cautious, perhaps even wary, and Danny couldn't blame her. Steve sounded as if someone had rubbed sandpaper on his vocal chords as he delivered half grunts and monotone answers to her questions. Danny could tell the moment Catherine had asked _the_ question, because Steve went quiet and still next to him.

"I've… yea, I've thought about it."

Danny couldn't scoot much closer to Steve without ending up in his lap, so he looped his arm through his partner's dosey doe style and listened. Catherine was saying something, and while Danny caught snippets of words like 'work' and 'we' and 'history' and 'honest chance', getting full sentences was impossible even though he was sitting right next to the phone.

"I can't, Cath," Steve suddenly spoke. Danny took a breath, listening as Steve continued speaking. "We had a good run for a while there, but so much has happened and you and me, we're on different paths." Steve swallowed. "And I – I need someone here. Full time. I need someone here for me, and that's not something you can give me; I don't see you quitting the CIA anytime soon and I wouldn't ask you to. I'm not going to ask you to make that choice." Danny heard Steve go quiet again as Catherine responded, frowned when he heard Steve snicker darkly. "Join CIA, huh? I don't think they'd have me after my history with them and me joining the agency leaves a lot of people vulnerable in Hawaii with Greer still on the loose. Plus, I don't trust the CIA."

Another pause, and Danny didn't need to hear Catherine to know what she was asking. Steve took a deep breath and Danny felt him squeeze their locked arms together a little tighter.

"I'm not gonna lie and tell you that has nothing to do with it. The CIA changes people, Cath; it changed my mother, and yea… I think it changed you too. If we got back together, I'd constantly be wondering if you were sticking around or when you were going to have to catch a flight to your next mission. I'd be wondering if what you told me was the truth or a cover. If we had kids, I'd be checking both our cars every day for explosives to make sure that none of our enemies were planning our untimely deaths. That's too much for a relationship to work through, Cath."

More quiet. More Catherine talking. More Danny simply sitting on a cold wall, his ass past numb now as Steve paid attention to whatever Cath was telling him. "I'm always going to love you and if you ever need me for anything, you know I'll be there, but as anything more than that, Cath, I can't."

The conversation was wrapping up, and once Steve told her to call him when she was in town, Danny released a tense breath and hung his head as Steve ended the call and slumped against him once more. "She wasn't happy, obviously. But she understood in the end, you know?" Steve leaned his head against Danny's once more and closed his eyes. "At least we're not like some exes, clawing each other's eyes out when it ends."

"Yea, me and Rachel still hold the gold for that one." Danny grinned. "We're not worried about losing it anytime soon." He turned his head enough so that the side of his face just brushed against Steve's. It should have felt strange, intrusive, awkward, but it didn't. "You okay?"

Steve nodded.

"Wanna grab a six pack and head back to your place?"

"Now?"

"Yea, now, I can't feel my ass anymore, Steven. I've been sitting on a solid stone wall for over four hours; it's cold and numb."

"If it's numb, how do you know it's cold?" A joking Steve was a Steve well on the mend, and Danny responded in kind.

"What do you want to do, slap it to see if I'm telling the truth? Come on, you animal, you're lying against my shoulder like I'm a couch or something; let's go." Danny heard Steve laugh quietly to himself and Danny used him as an anchor to hold onto while he lifted his legs and brought them over to the road side of the wall, standing up slowly and working through the pins and needles that prickled all over the backs of his thighs and glutes. "Remind me never to sit on that wall for hours on end again, okay?" Danny shook his legs out as he walked towards his Camaro. "Are we stopping for beer or what?"

"Head to my place. I'll grab the beer and meet you there." Steve was in his truck and pulling away just as Danny turned the engine over in his car. Considering where they were that afternoon and where they were now, Danny slid the night into the win column. He knew there would be some residual emotions to deal with once they got back to Steve's place, but it would be far easier to deal with now that Steve had made his decision, and knew it was the right one.

Danny made the drive back to Steve's house and had just gotten himself settled in his chair in the back yard when he heard the patio door open and saw Steve coming down towards the coast with a six pack of beer dangling from his grip and what looked like a large box in his other hand.

"You got pizza?" Danny could smell it; he was the pizza whisperer, he could smell a good slice from a mile away, and while he still couldn't find a pizza on the island that met his standards (until the restaurant opened up, that is), Steve had apparently gone by the one place that Danny had declared to have pizza which met with 80% of his approval.

"Neither of us have had dinner since, you know… everything," Steve put the pizza down on the table, placed the six pack of beer on the ground, and dug a little bag of ice out from between the bottles and handed it to Danny. "For your jaw."

"Steve, I told you, I'm fine, it doesn't even hurt." Okay, a lie, but Steve didn't need to hear anything otherwise.

"It looks like it hurts." Steve settled himself in his own chair and lifted the top of the pizza, the smell hitting Danny square in the face.

"Pizza cures all ills, babe." He fixed Steve with a look as he dropped the bag of ice on the ground and fished out a slice of pepperoni. "Stop it, okay? It's over, it's done. We're good. Alright?" Steve shrugged at him, and while Danny knew that meant Steve was still dealing with some guilt over their previous altercation, he let it go for now. It was more important for them to eat, have a beer, and enjoy the night air and the sound of the waves gently lapping up along the beach. Nine years ago, Danny could have never pictured himself enjoying anything about Hawaii. Steve seemed to read his mind.

"You've come a long way, buddy," Steve, inelegant as ever, spoke around a mouth full of dough and cheese. "You're calling Hawaii home, you're enjoying the beach, you actually chose to come out here and sit rather than wait inside; I'm proud of you."

"Don't get used to it. For the next month, I'm going to sit inside and have dinner like a normal person and not outside where the sand blows in your food." Steve just laughed and fell silent again, Danny doing the same until they were full of pizza and each man had one full bottle of beer in him.

"You okay with everything?" Danny asked after observing Steve for a few moments, his partner wearing his 'I'm-Really-Trying-Not-To-Think-About-It-But-I-Can't-Help-It' face.

"Honestly? No," Steve shook his head. "I'm not okay with everything. There's a part of me that wishes I'd have told her yes, that we'd try again, and then there's the other part of me that tells me I made the right decision because the only reason I'd have said yes was so that I could maybe have a chance at what seems to come so easily to everyone else – marriage, kids, a real family making a house into a home." He kicked off his shoes and dug his toes into the sand. "I told Catherine no and now I'm wondering if I've killed my only chance at having that."

"You could always call Lynn," Danny suggested. "She was nice, adventurous; you liked her. Melissa did too."

"Lynn was… very nice, and very adventurous but…" Steve paused and after a moment, shook his head. "Wondering when Catherine was going to pop in again or when I was going to be exposed to another dirty bomb or biological virus kinda killed the mood – that and I just couldn't give her more of a commitment and that's what she really wanted."

"Okay, but you just finished saying that that's what you wanted too," Danny pointed out.

"It is, but," Steve leaned down and grabbed another beer, "I couldn't see myself having that with her, and while she was very understanding about my work, she wasn't so understanding of all the stuff that came with it."

"You know when Rachel and I were together and I was just a beat cop, she was fine with my career. It was when I became a detective and started racking up the solve rates that things got a little too real," Danny shifted in his chair and settled his hands over his stomach as he reclined back. "It got to the point where if she heard there had been some kind of altercation or shoot out or high-speed chase she'd just assume I was involved, and she'd think the worst. And I was in my 20's, you know, I didn't understand really how that affected her. In my own head I was a bad ass and as long as I walked through the door at the end of the day, there was nothing to worry about." He rolled his lips together. "That's really what started us down the road to divorce; I couldn't put myself in her shoes and she didn't want to put herself in mine. When we'd fight, she used to tell me that I was the job – not a husband, not a father, not even a human being really; just 'the job'."

"Would you get back with her, if you could?" Steve asked suddenly. "If you had the opportunity and she asked you to give it another shot, would you?"

"No," Danny shook his head. "We tried, babe, you know we did. I was in love with Rachel through out our divorce, after our divorce, and I thought I had a real shot at making everything right that first year I was here. But then the affair happened, and she tried screwing with my visitation and then my actual custody of Grace, and of course the stuff she pulled with Charlie – I don't think I can ever really fully forgive her for that, you know?" Steve nodded quietly as he listened. "I missed three years of my son's life, Steve, three years of firsts. I missed his first words, his first steps, his first bath, potty training him, feeding him solid foods for the first time, I missed all of that, all because Rachel kept the truth from me the whole time." He looked at Steve. "Like you told Catherine, there's always going to be a soft spot in my heart for Rachel because of the good history we have, but there's no way I can ever get into a relationship with her again. We bring out the worst in each other, you know." He shrugged, taking a long pull from his beer, Steve doing the same.

"You speak to Melissa at all?"

"Not since we split," Danny plucked at his shirt. "I think she's probably still throwing darts at a picture of me or something. Can't really blame her."

"No?"

Danny shook his head. "We dated for four years, she was hoping for a ring, wanted kids of her own. Me, I already have two kids and of course if something had happened while we were together and she wound up pregnant, I'd do the right thing and take care of the kid, but I didn't actively want any more. That was a deal breaker for her. I can't blame her," he continued, balancing his beer bottle on his knee absentmindedly, "besides we'd been growing apart since Christmas, so. It was just time." At Steve's laugh, he looked over and saw his partner's face lit up like a tree at the aforementioned Christmas holiday. "Why's that funny?"

"It's not, it's just – you and me, man. We're a pair." Steve lifted his beer and cheered Danny with it before taking a swig. "I'm starting to wonder if all of those marriage jokes were really jokes."

Danny crinkled his eyes. "What're you saying?"

"You know," Steve leaned forward, "when we first partnered up-"

"You mean when you came to my apartment and kidnapped me," Danny corrected, sipping his beer.

"No, when I came to your rat infested, should-have-been-condemned-decades-earlier slum and rescued you from the misery that was your life," a glance at Danny told Steve the other man wasn't really going to argue that, not that he couldn't; he was simply choosing not to, "within weeks, people were asking us how long we'd been dating or how long had we'd been married."

"Pretty sure the first person to bring that up was a guy doing three life sentences in Halawa, but sure," Danny grinned, then ducked as Steve threw a pepperoni at him. "Don't waste good pizza!"

"I didn't through the entire slice at you, Danno, just the pepperoni."

"Don't waste good pepperoni then," Danny plucked the topping off of his shirt, which now had tiny dots of red marinara sauce on it and frowned as he popped the bit of meat in his mouth. "You're paying to have this dry cleaned by the way, just so you know."

Steve ignored him. "I'm just saying, maybe Lynn had a point, in that I spend so much time with you I don't have time for a real relationship with anyone else because I'm already dating you." He tipped the beer back and took a swallow.

"She said that to you?"

Steve nodded.

"Huh," came his partners response, and Steve barely heard it, but he _did_ hear it, a tone, that tone Danny got when he'd just made a connection to something. He narrowed his gaze. "What's 'huh'?"

Danny shook his head, jutting his bottom lip out a bit. "Nothing, just when Melissa broke it off with me, she kinda said the same thing. Actually, she suggested that you and I just head to the courthouse and make it official."

"Make it official as in, what; get married?"

Danny gave a nonchalant shrug of his shoulder. "The kids thing wasn't the only issue she had," he confessed. "She felt like she was taking a backseat to you all the time because of our work, and then she'd get irritated because lots of my free time went to you and, you know…" Danny trailed off and Steve just tilted his head to the side.

"And? What?" Steve gestured towards him. "Don't stop there. What else did she say?"

"You know, she wanted… you know she wanted me to spend more time with her, but then the quarantine thing happened and I got shot right after, and someone forgot to call her or didn't call her enough with updates on how I was doing, so you know… that was that."

"That was that?" Steve deadpanned.

"I… you know, towards the end there, I might have given her the impression that I wasn't going to make an active effort to spend more time with her at your expense." Danny scratched his cheek and casually glanced over at Steve, who currently had his Confused Face on. "You _might_ have? Or you just bluntly told her in that no holds barred way you have?"

"…that last one, maybe. A little bit." Danny held his hand up, his thumb and forefinger barely meeting before it flopped down and he sank back in his chair. "Alright, okay, fine – we were in the middle of a nasty fight a few months after I got shot, right after Valentines Day, and she basically said, 'spend more time with me, cut your time with Steve, or I'm gone' and… you know…"

Danny rolling his hand in the air didn't really give Steve a road map of what came next. "And?" Steve prompted.

"I may have opened up the front door and showed her the way out."

Danny may have, which, in Danny speak – and yes, the man had a language all his own – meant that he definitely had, and there was probably more to it to boot, but Steve wasn't going to press him on any further specifics. "You told me you guys breaking up was a mutual decision-"

"And it was," Danny interjected, "I mutually opened the front door and she mutually walked through it."

"-that it was amicable and agreed upon; that it was something you both wanted." Steve half glared at Danny, watching the tip of the man's tongue peek between his lips. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because, if I had told you exactly why we'd broken up, you would have blamed yourself and tried to get us back together, and that's not what I wanted, okay, Steve?" Danny sighed. "You take the weight of the world on your back, babe, and you blame yourself way more than is healthy for everything bad that happens in your life, and my life too sometimes. I was not going to ever come to you and tell you that I need to see you less because my girlfriend didn't like the time we spent together, alright?" At the bright look in Steve's eyes, Danny took care to lower his voice a little and turned his body towards his partner.

"Look, I cared about Melissa, a lot, I liked her very much. We had some great times together. For the most part, it was a good four years. But I couldn't honestly look myself in the mirror and say that I cared more about her than I did about you, and I couldn't look at her and tell her that either, and if I couldn't do either one of those two things, then I wasn't about to cut my time with you in half, and even if I could see myself marrying her one day, loving her that way, I still wouldn't have given up any part of my relationship with you to make it work with her." It was dark, but there was still enough light coming form the house that Danny could make out the look on Steve's face, and it was an expression that didn't surprise Danny. In fact, it made his heart seize in his chest a little bit.

"My ex-wife and my daughter were waiting for me back in New Jersey eight years ago when you were framed for Governor Jameson's murder. Even after only working together one year, I still stayed here to get you out and get you cleared. One year, Steve." Danny finished off his beer without his gaze leaving Steve's face, who was now wearing his 'Disbelieving Contemplation' mask.

"I know it's hard for you to believe you're worth someone staying when most everybody else has left. But that's exactly why I ended it with Melissa; because when she told me she wanted me to cut my time with you, that's what she was really saying – that you weren't worth it. And you were. You are worth that. You will always be worth that to me."

Danny allowed Steve to work his jaw and clear his throat, to smooth his face and school it into one of simple acceptance and not choked emotion. That right there was Doris and John McGarrett's legacy, and Catherine's, Greer's, Joe's, anyone who had ever left or lied to the man. A soft, "Thanks Danno," floated his way and Danny reached his left hand out over the pizza box, wiggling his fingers at Steve until the other man settled his hand in Danny's, giving it a light squeeze.

"You're never going to be alone, Steve," Danny whispered, making the vow once more. "I promise, even if you have to grow old with me, you're never going to be alone."

"Honestly, Danny, that doesn't sound so bad." Steve murmured quietly. Danny felt Steve's thumb glide over the skin of his hand, and he smiled, closing his eyes.

"Love you, babe."

"Love you, Danno."


End file.
